Hi Mr. Sunderland! I don't think you can comment without there being a post? Not sure, so I posted a post just in case. :)
 


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Sunderland on Polished Draft
05/17/2012 6:27am

Very nice draft, ladies. Well done. Your work from here is mainly tightening and editing. You'll probably have to cut stuff more than add. Below are some comments/suggestions.

-Good Thesis though it can use some polishing
-you have 2 links to thesis on before/context page. get rid of 1
-Landing pages (the ones that appear in nav bar) should be simple. You should have only a topic sentence that makes a unifying point about all associated pages and then links to all the associated pages. (Plus a few pics to make it more visually appealing.)
-Change "Jesse James' life was influenced by..." to "Jesse James' legend was influenced by..."
-Put frontier idea before civil war and reconstruction stuff
-Very texty. You have to cut down on text. Only complete sentences should be thesis and topic sentences for each page. Everything else is bulleted.
-Better visuals for reconstruction needed. You want to show how south feels bitter. I got at least one.
-Foner/revisionist stuff should go at the end when you're dealing with contemporary historiography
-Youtube video has to go. Too long. Video can be no longer than 45 seconds
-Don't use scribd for process paper. Just put text directly into weebly.
-Need link to bib from process paper.

Overall: 47.5/50

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